


Life was never worse but never better

by Elisexyz



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, F/M, Hospitals, Season/Series 02, TAHITI Protocol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-25 01:25:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16651651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elisexyz/pseuds/Elisexyz
Summary: “I’m Jemma,” she begins, jokingly extending her hand for him to shake. “I’m your wife.”He grins, offering a pretty vigorous handshake for an hospitalized guy. “Good to meet you. I’m Stephen.”“Yeah,” Jemma says, slowly, pulling away a little. “About that. That’s— sort of— not your name.”





	Life was never worse but never better

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Tumblr prompt: [44\. “You’re good. A monster pain in the ass… but you’re good.” + Biospecialist](http://heytheredeann.tumblr.com/post/180212731569/44-from-the-sarcastic-prompt-list-for).

Jemma pauses before reaching the open door, taking a deep breath to try and calm her nerves. There’s no reason to be so agitated, after all. It’s the second time that they’ve had to start from scratch, she’s been through this already.

She plasters a friendly smile on her face before stepping into the room, and Grant’s attention immediately turns to her.

“Hi,” he says, carefully, studying her with mild curiosity. “You must be Jemma.”

“Yes,” she replies, softly, stopping a few steps away from the hospital bed. “It’s great to see you awake.”

Grant nods, reciprocating her smile, if only slightly. He clears his throat, his eyes darting to the ground as he shifts uncomfortably against his pillow. “Uhm, did they tell you—”

“They did,” she confirms, calmly. He looks worried, maybe he thinks that she’s going to walk out on him, even though the fact that she has been visiting him regularly in the past two months in spite of how he couldn’t appreciate it suggests the exact opposite. “It’s okay, we can— we can work on it, I suppose.”

“They say it may be permanent,” he reminds her, because apparently memories or no memories he’s still very good at getting in his own way.

“I know. I can tell you everything you want to know, and—and maybe we can build something new.”

Grant hesitates before smiling at her. “I’d like that.”

“Great,” she says, reciprocating the gesture as she moves closer, sitting on the chair that she has been occupying for hours at the time since the—the _incident_ that led them there. “I’m Jemma,” she begins, jokingly extending her hand for him to shake. “I’m your wife.”

He grins, offering a pretty vigorous handshake for an hospitalized guy. “Good to meet you. I’m Stephen.”

“Yeah,” Jemma says, slowly, pulling away a little. “About that. That’s— sort of— not your name.”

Grant raises his eyebrows. “My ID said—”

“Yeah, I know. It’s complicated, you’d better get comfortable.”

At first, she contemplated feeding him the lie, keeping his fabricated persona alive, because Stephen Hatley had a normal, respectable life, she could have posed as his girlfriend, gifted Grant the fresh start he was supposed to have— but she doesn’t want to live a complete lie. She doesn’t want to train herself out of calling him his real name, she doesn’t want to pretend that they are two civilians.

She knows she can never tell him the _whole_ truth, not if she doesn’t want to lose him as well, but she can at least stick to the most truthful lie she can find.

“I’m listening,” he announces, looking at her with plain curiosity.

Jemma nods, taking a sharp breath. “Alright. Your name is Grant Ward. We are secret agents, uh, spies, basically. At least, you are, I am more of a scientist.”

He raises his eyebrows, amused. “Spies?”

“Yes. Stephen is just a cover, we need to— keep a low profile.”

“Why? Is the Russian mob after us?” he jokes, and he seems to be taking the news remarkably well. She wonders if it’s just because some information, albeit weird information, is better than the big chunk of nothing that he can remember on his own, or if the failed TAHITI protocol made his brain particularly prone to adapting to change and new information. It would make for an interesting case study, if the thought didn’t make her sick.

“Something like that,” she says, with an half-hearted smile. “As soon as you are cleared, we should probably head to one of your safehouses and— start anew there.”

“Don’t we have like— people? Somebody we work for?”

Jemma shrugs. “We left. It’s probably best if we don’t go back.”

Grant stares at her thoughtfully for a few seconds, before breaking into another grin. “Well, I woke up in a movie. At least my life is interesting.”

“That’s one word for it,” she says, shaking her head with a small smile. “There’s a lot to tell, we probably shouldn’t lay it all out _now_.”

“Agreed. It’d probably give me an headache, and my head isn’t doing so good lately,” he jokes, and it sends a shiver down Jemma’s spine. He seems to notice her discomfort, but before he has a chance to comment on it or apologize, she reaches for her pocket and takes out a ring.

“This is your wedding ring,” she says, quickly. “I held onto it because you were undercover— do you want it back? I know you don’t remember, but—”

“No, no, of course I want it,” he says, quickly, extending his hand to accept it. “Thank you,” he smiles.

As she watches him weight the ring on his fingers, studying it because he’s never seen it before, she can’t help thinking of when she took it off him, along all his other personal items, before personally putting him through the TAHITI protocol. She was supposed to stash it away with the rest, but she held onto it.

She remembers how he looked at her, angry and betrayed and still a little hopeful that he could sway her, as she swallowed the need to beg him to understand that she had no _choice_ , that it was _that_ or watching him being executed. There were agents from the Real SHIELD looking at her, probably just _waiting_ for her to admit that she was most definitely not acting with the wellbeing of anyone but herself and Grant in mind, so that Gonzales could finally declare her unfit for the job, too emotionally invested to go through with the alternative plan, therefore giving them no choice but putting a bullet in Grant’s head.

“I’m really sorry I don’t remember you,” Grant supplies, playing with the ring that’s now on his finger. “You seem— great.”

“It’s okay,” she smiles, sadly. “It’s not your fault. And you can get to know me again. It might be fun, how many couples can have a first date twice?”

He reciprocates her smile, and it looks so innocently happy that it makes her stomach clench. There’s so much _baggage_ that he doesn’t even know exists, and she’s grateful for the opportunity to bury it, to just be _happy_ with him, but at the same time she can ever erase it. She’ll just have to learn how to shoulder the guilt – and the anger, because she still isn’t sure that she ever completely forgave him.

“So, about this secret agent thing—” he grins, jokingly. “—was I good? I mean, ‘can take down five people bare-handed’ good?”

Jemma can’t help laughing a little at that, even as her heart breaks because of how much that comment reminds her of Skye when she had just joined the team – her death is still a very fresh wound, and perhaps exactly what brought everybody, Coulson especially, down to their knees and made things spiral down so fast that Jemma decided to straight up _leave_ SHIELD and just start hanging out in the bar where Stephen Hatley used to work. Before he had a seizure, ended up in a coma and woke up with no memories at all, that is.

“You were good,” she assures, a slight grin still twisting her lips. “A monster pain in the ass,” she adds, thinking of all the times he ended up getting injured and of how _bad_ of a patient he is, of how he betrayed them all and yet still found a way to make sure that she couldn’t stop seeing the good in him, the man that she knew and loved.  “But you’re good.”

This time around, this marriage is going to work out. She’ll make sure of it.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including: 
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> If you don’t want a reply, for any reason, feel free to sign your comment with “whisper” and I will appreciate it but not respond!


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